Don’t Take It Personally
Western Fragility Is Killing Creativity
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When I was in high school, everyone seemed to be doing one of two things. Partying or getting laid. Then, there was me. Playing video games 16 hours a day.
Truth be told, I didn’t see it as having fun or relaxing. It was work. My goal was to join Faze clan (No, I never got in 😭).
I did manage to join other respectable gaming clans. But there was one problem. My best friend didn’t get in. He was heartbroken.
At 2 o’clock in the morning on a Friday night, he asked me, “what am I doing wrong?”
I gave him an honest answer. God help me. I told him he needed to practice more. He didn’t exactly take it well. This was the beginning of the end of our friendship.
I was baffled. Why was he so angry about it? I just told him the truth?
But as the years marched on, I realized most people are like this. They don’t take criticism well. Even the most well-intentioned critique can ruin relationships.
What’s the result of all this?
Nobody says anything negative. Ever.
You can suck ass at something and no one will ever tell you the truth. It’s ridiculous.
I tried becoming a Vlogger for years. Dozens of videos where I ramble on about my day and whatever goofy thing I was into at the time. No one had the heart to tell me that I don’t have the personality for that shit.
Someone could’ve saved me hundreds of hours of work if they just told me I’m not the “vlogging type.” But I had to put in the work and find out the hard way.
And it makes you think. Why is everyone like this?
Western Fragility
Right-wing pundits want you to believe that it's only the snowflakes. Some blue-haired college kid that identifies as a gender you’ve never heard of.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
If you're a Westerner, you've been raised in a fragility culture. Criticism of your work or anything you do isn't just criticism. It’s an attack on you as a person.
This problem stems from our economic system.
Capitalism’s Achilles Heel
Capitalism creates a lot of economic opportunities. You don't know who's going to start a business or work at a company where you want a job.
It's beneficial to be polite to everyone. And never criticize a person's ideas no matter how stupid they may be. After all, they might be able to get you a job somewhere down the line. Stepping on their toes can come back to bite you in the ass.
How do you maximize your earning potential? By being friendly with everyone you meet. After all, wealthy people are nothing if not well connected.
Contrast this with people who live in former Soviet States. If you say something stupid, they're going to tell you that it's stupid. It’s off-putting at first. But they’re being honest.
They actually say what they think. Unlike westerners who keep it to themselves (or more likely, say it behind your back).
Why the difference?
Under communism, being nice to people didn't benefit you. There was no economic opportunity. Instead, people used brutal honesty as a currency. And it remains part of their culture to this day.
I came across this idea in The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck. Which I recently published my notes on.
This was one of the most interesting ideas from the book. It makes you realize that we're doing ourselves a huge disservice in the West. Criticism can be good. Outright dismissing it all doesn’t help you.
When I was a YouTuber, my biggest moments of growth didn’t come from positive comments. But negative ones. Some of them were scorching and intense. And despite making me uncomfortable, they helped me improve my craft.
I made hundreds of videos over the course of 3 years. And in all that time, less than 5 comments like that ever showed up. I’d have been a much better creator had I gotten more.
I received thousands of “great work” and “love your channel” comments. And none of them did me any good other than to stroke my ego.
Takeaways
There’s 2 big lessons to internalize here.
Don’t take it personally - Your biggest moments of growth will come from criticism. You need to be willing to listen to that criticism when it comes. It will make you uncomfortable. That's life. But you need to remember that you aren’t your work. You can get better. And if you’re humble enough to listen, you will.
Encourage honest feedback - You need to create an environment where people actually will give you honest feedback. There are 2 ways to do this:
Build an honest network - Team up with other creators to give each other valid criticism.
Encourage criticism from fans - Don't ever lash out at someone who criticizes you. If they have a point, respond to it thoughtfully. If they're just trolling you to get under your skin, you can dismiss them. “This sucks” isn’t a valid criticism. But “you could improve the intro” is.
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